Don't miss the signs

Just in case your eyesight is not the greatest, the good folks at the Exxon at Los Presidentes have made a sign as big as their breakfast tacos. We all know here in Laredo, we take our tacos seriously. It be a tragedy if you missed it. Signs, signs, everywhere are signs...

She's an Actress (part 1)

She’s an Actress

By GB (dedicated to 'Elena')

She screams with rage

at the top of her lungs,

the drama queen of south Laredo.

She’s won two Emmy’s,

even an Oscar for her performance

But she’s an actress

Stares right at me and lies.

“Estaba con una amiga”.

She tells me with an evil smirk.

Hollywood is already calling her,

Gonna make her into a big star.

She cries, tears out her eyes,

That mean absolutely nothing.

She tells me she loves me,

With a wink in her eye.

Prolly tells it to all the boys.

She’s an award winning actress

You Know!

DeLaredo.Com

Sometime in early Spring 2005 I bought the domain name, DeLaredo.Com and I began a small website focusing on some local poets. I must have gotten about 13 hits on that site, most of them coming from my girlfriend at the time. However, it was one of my first websites that I actually updated on a semi-regular basis.Also, I had some videos that I shot and edited of the George Washington Charade up on there, along with other silly stuff.

For some reason or another, I did not renew the site after the first year and I lost the domain name. I guess I got bored after a while and I moved on to other things. A while back, I noticed someone else bought my old domain name and is running a site under, DeLaredo.Com and it actually looks nice and fancy. So, in the interest of nostalgia, stop on by and visit their site. Be a pal.

Rain in Laredo

Its been a somewhat pleasant change. For once we get a little rain, instead of the scorching heat that seems to always bear down over our heads. But, as expected, the rain has brought several car accidents. On my way home from work this afternoon, I spotted three minor car accidents, no doubt due to the slick streets. We Laredoans aren't used to all this crazy weather. I felt like Noah as I drove home today. A little drizzle goes a long way in this town.

Random Lyric of the week pt. 8

Everybody's lookin if ya jealous turn around
The AMG kip keeps us closa to the ground
We're gettin good grip from the 50 series tires
The Alpine's bumpin but I need the volume higher
Cuz the 808 kick drum makes the girlies get dumb
We're rollin Rainier and the jealous wanna get some
Every time we do this sucka mc's wanna battle
I'm the man they love to hate the J.R. Ewing of Seattle

 

Waiting for my stereo to arrive.

Random whatever of the week

she "had to sneak into my room, just to read my diary..."

My favorite Morissey song is "SuedeHead". I've got no idea what the lyrics are about, but its an infectious beat I rather enjoy. The song reminds me of "Elena", this one person I used to date back in the day. I ran into her at the Super S today and it was rather odd. The scene itself was surreal. Awkward really. I spoke briefly to her. Nothing major, just about the weather. As she spoke all I could think about was the lyrics of "SuedeHead". I can't stand her. It's a great little song, though.

Please remind me not to walk into Super S again. Live and learn.

Random Pinata guy (pt. 2)

r

Nunca falta, guy on roof at pinata party

Sometimes it's necessary to risk life and limb for the simple pleasure of the pinata party.  After all, whats a birthday party in Laredo, without a pinata? Might as well not have one. However, someone has to inevitably climb the roof, and we hope its not the one person that's had one too many Schaeffer lights. Pete knows we've all seen that before.

 The one guy that has no business climbing the roof is the first one that has his guarache over the rail. I've seen too many accidents and near accidents to know that Pinata on roof guy has to be rewarded and respected. Just as long as I ain't the one climbing the roof to hold the rope. I ain't putting down my Shaeffer for that!

Meet the Rangers (part 1)

The first installment of, "Meet the Rangers"

Texas Ranger's third baseman, Michael Young, is the longest tenured player on the team. His steady bat, quick glove and like-able persona make him the face of the franchise.

Michael is the Rangers' version of Tony Romo. He is of half-Mexican descent, always smiling, puts up great numbers but has yet to win anything that really counts.

He is the all-time Rangers leader in hits, and before the end of his career, he will lead the team in many offensive categories. Yet, Michael has never been to the playoffs, much less the World Series. Thought his career, the team has been mediocre at best, and have gone through some stinky seasons in the post-apocalyptic A-Rod contract debacle. This year, Michael is having another strong season as he pushes the team toward the playoffs.

If Michael leads the Ranger's to the playoffs and Tony Romo does the same for the 'Boys, then we have some serious half-Mexican representation in the DFW area. Awesome possum. Si se puede.

Funhouse: The Movie

I recently tortured my 'partner' into watching one of my favorite guilty pleasure, Tobe Hooper's Funhouse. I had to coax this person with a twelve-pack of cold, thirst quenching Schlitz, but once the film began and the beer began to frow freely, the fun and scares exploded in all directions.

The film is about a creepy carnival that comes through town and leaves mayhem in the lives of several 'teens'. Everytime I watch it, it reminds me of the WBCA carnival, or that creepy carnival that sets up over by Burlingon on Sanber. Carnies are a crazy bunch. The film itself is watchable and actually has several interesting scenes. In the words of Frank over at Cinema Gonzo, the film deals with suburbanites "forced to deal with humanity in all of it's gloriously deconstructed chaos." That is just how I feel everytime I pass by Santa Rita. Damn.

Memoirs of my Grandmother

the latest installment of our featured columnist, Maria Cisneros

Memoirs of my Grandomother

by Maria Cisneros

Often we find ourselves questioning who we are as individuals. As my father often likes to remind me, who we are as children is often the person who we truly are inside. I must say then, that I am a truly blessed and happy human being. Family is number one for me, if that point hasn’t been made already; they are the ones that have kept me sane and centered. In life, one particular person often influences us more than others. In my case, I’d have to say this person was my grandmother. She was an exceptional woman. I could write a whole book about her but I’m going to share a couple of lessons she taught me. This woman was just too awesome to keep them all to myself.

Good Eats

This eatery does not look like much from the outside, but it's actually pretty good food. Free meal to the first person that can tell me name and address of this fine local establishment.

Aldo Tatangelo Grave

Sandra Cisneros in my Bed

Sandra Cisneros in my Bed

by GB

My First grown-up crush as short but sweet

Sweet, like chocolate-frosted donuts at 6am.

I fell madly in love with Sandra Cisneros.

She was a real writer y "bien cabrona y berrinchuda".

You Bring out the Mexican in Me, I first read

in 1997 and immediately fell at her feet.

For an entire week we had a torrid love affair.

I immersed myself in all her works.

She the author, I the reader.

I would take her to bed,

when I read her books before I went to sleep.

She would make me laugh, cry and even punch the wall.

I loved to taste her prose, so sweet,

as the mango on the street on which she lived.

But then, something happend.

I fell in love with Ana Castillo.

And not being one for threesomes,

I no longer read with Sandra.

And well, I guess Sandra Cisneros got upset

 Because she didn't call me anymore.

Random Lyric of the day

"Oye la gente,
hablan, gritan, como dicen,
comentan,
de todas esas canciones que yo hize.
A boom, boom, bam, bam
muchos vienen y se van
pero yo me quedado 
y los otros DONDE ESTAN!"


My favorite song. Dedicated to Elena. Hear it here.

"You Can Fight City Hall"

"You Can Beat City Hall" Bill Moyers CBS News 1978 from rsal on Vimeo.

Fall, Flags and Football

Fall, Flags and Football

by Maria Cisneros

Every school year, around this time, I start hearing drums whenever I wake up in the morning. I even hear them when I get home from work. At first I think it’s all in my head, but then I start looking around my little neighborhood and notice that off in the distance a group of people are gathered. I see them pause and then I see them follow a leader. The leader is armed with a whistle and a baton and then that’s when it all clicks: marching band season is on and the football games are coming up. Aside from the fact that I should already be used to this (I’ve lived here for over fifteen years) listening to the whole array of musical instruments makes me feel like it’s already mid-October and football season is already in full swing. It blurs the fact that it’s still August and hot as hell outside. Let me tell you one thing about me: I love football but I especially love what the season entails. It marks the beginning of my yearly trek down memory lane. Let me explain a bit:

Shortstop Burgers and Golden Chicken

When I moved down to Laredo in 1992, two of my favorite places to eat were Golden Chicken and Shortstop Burgers. Don't blame me for terrible taste in food. Rather, blame my aunt and uncle. They would always drag us down to eat at these two places during the weekends. Now, these places have both closed down or changed names, but the bitter taste of their flavore still remains in my mouth years after.

Shortstop Burgers had a location, that I can recall, on the intersection of Zapata Hwy. and Loop 20. Their burgers would always be semi-burned and their salty fries were always a nuisance to my taste buds. But because they were inexpensive, Shorstop Burgers always had a long line of waiting customers, especially on Friday nights. They closed down sometime in the mid 90s, I believe. Now, a Tortas Yukon stands where the famous Shortstop Burgers were once located.

This is similar to the one I remember. Not the exact one though.

The other eatery that I cherish from my terrible teen years, was Golden Chicken, located downtown across the street from Int'l. Bridge 2. Again, as kids we were taken there because of its inexpensiveness. The chicken at said restaurant was so greasy, it made Church's look like a healtshake. I even recall that Golden Chicken had this cheesy TV commercial, a parody of Ghostbuster's "Who you gonna call":

"Dime a donde vas. A Golden Chicken!  Pollito Caliente. Sabor Diferente. Dime a donde vas. A Golden Chicken!"

I don't recall the exact lyrics of the TV commercial, but from what I recall, I would see it on KLDO back sometime in 92' or 93. Every wedding or Quincera that I attended between those years, had the obligatory Golden Chicken as the food of choice. I miss the 90s.

Random Lyrics pt. 7

"Elvis, was a hero to most
but he never meant shit to me you see
straight up racist the sucker was
simple and plain
motherfu** him and John Wayne."

Y2K Compliant

I went to the doctor a week ago for a routine check-up. This doctor had the latest equipment. So much so that all his equipment, including the examination table is Y2K ready. Good! That makes me feel at ease.

Life's Expectations, and other Shortcomings

(DeLaredo is pleased to announce that we have added a columnist and featured contributor to our silly blog. Meet Ms. Mary C. Read her initial work, Life's Expectations, below.)

When we’re younger and naïve, we have certain expectations about our life and how we want it all to turn out. When you get older and the veil starts to slowly slip away, you notice that things in life almost never turn out the way you want them to. Sure, they may come out close to how you want them to be but never exactly the way you planned. I remember when I was younger and was constantly writing about what I was going to do with my life and who I was going to spend it with. I knew exactly where I wanted to attend college and exactly what kind of guy I was going to marry. I even had it down to what age I was going to get married and at what age I was going to have my first baby. Yup, didn’t turn out like that at all. I know the saying goes that things happen for a reason. Sure they do. Let me tell you what I had planned out for myself: 

The Hand goes to the Broncos' game

    Several days ago, due to the renewed interest in Broncos' baseball, I went down and experienced a game a the ol' ballpark. I will provide you proof and pictures, mostly of my hand at said event. For the first installment, I will tell you of my latest trip down to Veteran's Field to watch the Broncos and their newest player, Mr Juice himself, Jose Canseco.

The Hand at Broncos' game

I arrived to the game at the top of the 1st inning and waited in line to buy the tickets to the biggest sporting event that Laredo has seen in quite a while. Already, eager fans were filling up the stands with an overflowing anticipation and the Canseco buzz was stirring among the faithful that had gathered to get a glimpse of their childhood hero and one-time MLB superstar.

Tickets, $5.00

     Being the frugal chump that I am, I bought the least expensive tickets available, general admission seating in the nose bleed section and the only place a true fan ever sits. I made my way into the park and up to find my seat, but not before making a stop to purchase a tall,frosty beverage that would quench my thirst in the scorching hot Laredo summer.

The Hand does a Bud at the game

I talk baseball with my companion, the only person I was able to con into going with me, when out of the corner of my eye a wickedly hit foul ball is hurling at me at the speed of light and my instantaneous reaction is to rise up out my seat, stretch out beyond other spectators, and make a one handed glove catch for the ages, much to the delight of the amazed crowd that begins to cheer the unanticipated catch.

I was glad I took a glove. I had never caught I foul ball before. It was actually kinda cool.

The foul ball I caught

Unfortunately, Jose Canseco went 0 for 3 in the time that I was at the game. I did have to leave early, so I did not stay until the end to get an autograph from the former Bash Brother. His T-shirts and other memorabilia were selling quite well, and the turn-out at the park was rather impressive. Canseco was cheered loudly every time he went up to the plate and his massive frame still impresses the ladies, including my companion, who wanted to get a closer  view of his bulk before I spoke some sense into her.

Jose Canseco in the Bronco's dugout

In all sincerity, seeing Canseco play in person was a pretty cool event. The ten year old inside me was having a sweet blast and I could not help but search the field for Mark McGwire or Rickey Henderson and the other Oakland A's of 1989. That was a rad year.

However, as I finished my second Bud and as the fifth inning came to a close, a disturbing memory blasted back into my soul and I remembered why I have such a deep hatred and resentment toward Jose Canseco and his baseball-head bouncing ways. The foul memory opened a deep wound in heart that I believed, errenously,  had been healed. That, however, was not the case.

In the next week, you can read about said event in my life. Hopefully, I can bring myself to write about it. It just might be therapeutical.

Jose Canseco update

 It seems that Jose is doing good enough in Laredo. According to his twitter account, he hit a home run in his first at-bat in Laredo. He's asking for support for the Broncos. I'm going out to the game next time. C u there.

BTW, Jose seems to have 350,00 followers on Twitter. I on the other hand, have 76. It's a tight race to the finish line. 

Canseco to play for Broncos?

Great. Jose Canseco is bringing his circus to Laredo. Fun. Maybe he can pitch for the Broncos too.

New color and design

This purple color for the background fits my current mood very nicely. I'm not too sure what that means. Ponder that for a while.

Rangers vs. Yankees tonite

Rangers vs. Yankees tonite at 7:30 pm. If Rangers lose tonite, please don't talk to me for two days.

La Cumbia Metalera (sketch)

One of the funniest sketches I've seen in a while. It's a mock video of some heavy metal goth dudes doing a cumbia, complete with a funny interview. I'm not too sure if the band actually exists or not, but check out the video and song. I kinda like the cumbia metalera. I gotta download it to my Zune.

Laredo by Band of Horses

"Gonna take a trip to Laredo
Gonna take a dip in the lake
Oh, I'm at a crossroads with myself
I don't got no one else"




 So I just heard this neat little ditty song. Just the fact that it mentions "Laredo"
in the lyrics is cool enough.

Just One of those Days

Just one of those Days

(by GB )

I met a Venezuelan chick

at a Vietnamese restaurant.

We ate some hot enchiladas,

that we washed down with cold Heinekens.

We danced Lambada to Sinatra records

But she then left on the first train to London.

It was all too odd though,

for we were in Cotulla.

Rangers Update

I know that in these parts football is king. Also, this is Spurs and Cowboys territory. Sure, I guess. But even though you prolly didn't ask for it, I'm going to give you a Texas Rangers update.

Random Lyrics (pt. 7)

Time after time I put my life on the line
But I ain't committed no crime, so take what you can find
Forget what I say cos I'll keep running away
I only live for today, but I'm one day behind


(words I live by)

The Good , the Bad, and the House of the Devil

Yeah, you know, The House of the Devil, right. No, not that creepy house in the Heights. No, tampoco that house that your abuelita sweared to you was where La LLorona would snatch and slap "wuerkitos que resongan." I dont mean THAT house.

I mean the killer, awesome, rad movie, "The House of the Devil". I had previously mentioned this film in our hermana blog, but I had to mention it again, due to the wicked fact that my favorite horror movie-mayhem, machete-wielding blogger, FinalGirl, decided to review it.

More awesome than that, it has an official VHS release that made me go wicked crazy on my VCR. So, if you are just asking to yourself, "I wonder what I can buy DeLaredo, as a token of appreciation for his wonderful, insightful and downright witty posts", then here is your answer.
Just click on over to Amazon, and make me one happy idiot-blogger. I seriously have to grow my stagnant VHS collection.

OK, sorry for the off-topic rant. You can go back to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.

Aguacates at El Rancherito

My sister was making some tostadas so we dashed over to "El Rancherito" for some avocados. We headed over to their "fresh" produce section and were less than thrilled with their selection.

At $1.39 per aguacate, it's a WTF moment. Not only are they expensive, they don't look too good tampoco.

Beer by the pack

At this southside store, don't even think about buying beer by the can. You MUST buy the six pack. Got that?

Football border Battle II

Saturday night and Schlitz Beer

It's Saturday night and you have your groove on. All that is missing is some cold, thirst-quenching Schlitz to put the cap on a good week. So, enjoy. Eat your carne asada, dance your rancheras and kiss your 'vieja' some hot loving. It's Saturday night, a pachangear.

Working Hard

Another day of hard work under the hot Laredo sun. Life is hard.

On days like this, a cold Schlitz hits the spot.

Dr. Ikes, Somos de aqui

Where would I be without Dr. Ikes? It's my hardware store of choice. I sure do miss those Don Chema commercials though.

And that radio/tv jingle, "ay, ay, ay, me gusta dr. Ikes". That thing can stay in your head for days.

(photo found on flickr)

Dale Shile al TAKS

Sometimes kids need motivation that can help them vanquish foes such as the much maligned TAKS. What can I say? One has to speak the language they understand.

(Sign found a a local school and sent to me)

Nuevo Laredo Edecanes vs. Mami Chula Girls

So I gotta an idea. Hear me out .We take the best of Los Dos Laredos; Edecanes of Nuevo Laredo selling beer and Mami Chula girls from Laredo, TX selling beer and pit them together in a dancing frenzy and see who comes out on top.



Who is the best from Los Dos Laredos? We can have ourselves a beer run smackdown. My pesos are on the Nuevo Laredo gals. View the above video an tell us where your money is at.

(note: Video was randomly found on utube.)

Bordertownblues Interiew

A great big thanks to BorderTownBlues for the interview. Hopefully I don't come across as a huge dork. But come to think of it, that's just what I am. Ouch!

Next stop, I'm doing Meet the Press. That's right booooooy!

Carlos y Jose

So you're having a little 'carne asada' and you invite your compadres over and bust out the Schlitz. Trouble is, you don't have any corridos. Oh my! That could be a problem. But fret not, just navigate over to El Rincon de Julz blog and you can score some pretty neat CD's off mediafire. Download them to your convenience.

Legality issues aside, its a great way to increase your music collection, then that way you can finally ease off KC and the Sunshine Band!

Here is a sample corrido cd from the good folks, Carlos y Jose. If you wish to download it, you can find it here. Now, just don;t forget to invite me! (y di no a la pirateria)

Deja Vu by Shazz!

Deja Vu by Shazz!

Sick sound song that reminds me of singing on saggy Saturdays with Sarah. So sweet.

Riding el Metro while wearing a Tux

(pic from H. Benavides, off Flickr)

I love the pic above. A newly wed couple, smiling energetically, but a Laredo Metro Bus zooms by in the background. It seems that the bus is waiting for them to hop on and take off. Is the bus a metaphor for something? I hope their ride is not a bumpy one.

New Elk at Nuevo Laredo Zoo

Nuevo Laredo has a zoo? Sounds like a line for a bad joke. I haven't been 'al otro lado' in over two years. I do miss the city though. Going over there to visit family, play basketball at "La Unidad", going to bailes at "El Senorial", attending every quincenera I could, damn those were the days.

When I heard they had a zoo, it made me realize how I haven't gone there in a while. And with a good excuse, I know. Still, I do miss going. I wouldn't mind checking out their zoo. (and visiting Blanca Segovia, my GF from 1998. Maybe she's still single.)

Missing Elena

Time is not a friend of anyone I know. As for myself, I hate the bastard.

I was cleaning out my closet today, and I ran across and picture of Elena. I hadn't thought about her in years. Not since 2003, to be more precise. At one time, she captured my imagination and trapped my soul in her two little, soft hands. She awakened my spirit and showed me a world I had only seen in badly dubbed foreign films. However, circumstances took hold of our destinies and we parted ways. I ran across across a picture of her today. She is smiling, staring right at me, her eyes laughing and her soul, naked and true. As I saw the picture, I missed her with the strength of a thousand tears. A clear picture formed in mind of the last time I truly saw her.

Elena had answers for me. She had answers for questions I didn't even know I had. She represented everything about my uncertain youth. When I was 21 years old, Elena saved my life. For some unforeseen reason, I missed her today. Missed her immensely.

Or maybe I missed being 21 years old. Maybe I just missed 1999 and having the world at my feet. Maybe I just missed being young and afforded my mistakes. Did I miss her, or the thought of her? Maybe I just missed being that person I used to be. Maybe I just missed having my life uncomplicated and deliciously spelled out.

I missed Elena today, but there is no going back.

(I usually don't get too personal on here, but since its my blog, I can do as I wish, so get used to it)

DaleShine.Net Stickers

DaleShine.Net! I love it. Pure genius.

Saw a post over at LaSanbe.com regarding a daleshine.net website that is getting into some pretty sticky situations. They are selling bumper stickers with Laredo's most famous tagline, "un besito pa' todas mis haters". It's so damn cool I found myself asking, "Why didn't I think of it?"
So, I'm gonna buy me some of those stickers to give away here on my site. So 'stick around', Lol.
Too funny.

Mami Chula's Friday Night

I just had to see what all the local ruckus was about concerning Mami Chulas and other similar beer run establishments, so I took a drive to the southside to get an up close and personal view of the place.

Also, I was feeling thirsty, it being a Friday night and all.

Long lines at Mami Chulas to buy a six pack of Bud, for obvious reasons. I guess its not the 90's anymore in Laredo.

FYI, I might have to make another cross-town drive tonight for another twelve pack. Thing is, they have quick fast service at Mami Chulas. I keep telling that to myself. Uhm, yeah.

Radio La Villa

Surfing around I stumbled upon a blog, despieratanuevolaredo.com
It seems that they have a radio link and a cafe spot across the border.
Stop by and tell them I sent ya.

LoneStar Not working

"Lone Star not Working" Damn!

Are there any words that are worse to read than those above? They crush your soul and break your spirit.

Lone Star not working! Damn.

Some people might have to get a job now.

"Lazy people not working". Ouch! Now, that sign I want to read.

Tremenda Restaurante pt. 2...and

People in this town can't spell. English or Spanish, it doesn't really matter.

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves on this one. No need for any un-witty comments.