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Showing posts from December, 2010

The Hand goes to Wal Mart

I'm not sure what was wrong with me. It was a momentary lapse of reason. I had to do some quick X-Mas shopping, so for some bizarre reason I ventured to the WalMart (by Chillis on I-35) and man was the place a mad house. I stepped in and quickly wanted out, but I was sucked in by the evil WalMart trappings. It was a bad afternoon for the hand. Live and learn.

I've been naughty lately..

I've been very naughty lately. Yup, bad to the bone(r). One of my biggest sins has been neglecting this blog the last week or so. There has been other things that has put my name on Santa's coal list, but you need not concern your perfect life with those trivial tidbits.

I've been busy flipping off the bird to crazy paisanos and those cocky Monterrey shoppers that turn Best Buy, Walmart and Academy stores into a complete zoo. But enough about them, I do apologize for not having posted anything in over a week. I promise it won't happen again (crossed fingers behind back).

Santa, don't disappoint me please, like back in X-Mas 1987 when I wanted that He-Man and Battlecat action figure, but you goofed the order and sent me Rainbow Brite instead. That was so not cool. Then, Santa, you tried blaming 'the elves were knocking back too much eggnog', but that was just lame-o.


So, don't goof up this time Santa-Claws. You know what's on my Christmas list. I&#…

I'm hungry for you

I'm hungry 4 U (written while bored in 8th pd. Algebra class circa 1993)
You're my cupcake You're my twinky  You're my Duvalin and choco-slinky.
You're my muffin you're my banana-nut,   I love your donut- big round butt.
You're my pancake, my French toast. You're the pan dulce I love the most.
You're my butter biscuit, my cornbread.  You're my cheesecake  pastry fed.
You get me so fuckin hungry.

Letter to my Seventeen year-old Self

(If I could go back and give some advice to myself when I was just 17 years old, this is what I would say to me.)

Dear Seventeen Year-Old "DeLaredo",

Why the hell you give dad so much of a difficult time? Listen to him more often. You don't know it YET, but he actually does know what he is talking about. So stop being an asshole with him and listen to the old man's stories without rolling your eyes.

Easy on the underground Italian horror zombie films. Not everyone likes subtitles and dropping names like Lucio Fulci just to impress people is being a horror film snob. Some people actually do enjoy Stephen King. Let them! Watch less horror films and throw in a 'chick flick' with your GF. It makes things so much easier. Believe me.

Stop quoting Public Enemy when you write your school essays for English class. You didn't grow up in Cabrini Green. Get over it. You're not Chuck D and years from now Flavor Flav will be an embarrassment on VH1. (Yeaaaah Boooo…

Second Base Park

There was nothing better for me in the late 90s than going to the park adjacent to RiverDrive Mall. It was a great place to take a GF and get to at least second base. Most of the time it was dark and secluded, except for the occasional "mojadito". Border Patrol vehicles were frequent passer by's as well. But heck, they didn't break my concentration. I loved that park back in the day. For some odd reason, I was down the riverbanks again earlier in the evening, and I passed by this same deteriorated park, just like I remember it from 1996. I love my city. Good times.