Funhouse: The Movie

I recently tortured my 'partner' into watching one of my favorite guilty pleasure, Tobe Hooper's Funhouse. I had to coax this person with a twelve-pack of cold, thirst quenching Schlitz, but once the film began and the beer began to frow freely, the fun and scares exploded in all directions.

The film is about a creepy carnival that comes through town and leaves mayhem in the lives of several 'teens'. Everytime I watch it, it reminds me of the WBCA carnival, or that creepy carnival that sets up over by Burlingon on Sanber. Carnies are a crazy bunch. The film itself is watchable and actually has several interesting scenes. In the words of Frank over at Cinema Gonzo, the film deals with suburbanites "forced to deal with humanity in all of it's gloriously deconstructed chaos." That is just how I feel everytime I pass by Santa Rita. Damn.

Memoirs of my Grandmother

the latest installment of our featured columnist, Maria Cisneros

Memoirs of my Grandomother

by Maria Cisneros

Often we find ourselves questioning who we are as individuals. As my father often likes to remind me, who we are as children is often the person who we truly are inside. I must say then, that I am a truly blessed and happy human being. Family is number one for me, if that point hasn’t been made already; they are the ones that have kept me sane and centered. In life, one particular person often influences us more than others. In my case, I’d have to say this person was my grandmother. She was an exceptional woman. I could write a whole book about her but I’m going to share a couple of lessons she taught me. This woman was just too awesome to keep them all to myself.

Good Eats

This eatery does not look like much from the outside, but it's actually pretty good food. Free meal to the first person that can tell me name and address of this fine local establishment.

Aldo Tatangelo Grave

Sandra Cisneros in my Bed

Sandra Cisneros in my Bed

by GB

My First grown-up crush as short but sweet

Sweet, like chocolate-frosted donuts at 6am.

I fell madly in love with Sandra Cisneros.

She was a real writer y "bien cabrona y berrinchuda".

You Bring out the Mexican in Me, I first read

in 1997 and immediately fell at her feet.

For an entire week we had a torrid love affair.

I immersed myself in all her works.

She the author, I the reader.

I would take her to bed,

when I read her books before I went to sleep.

She would make me laugh, cry and even punch the wall.

I loved to taste her prose, so sweet,

as the mango on the street on which she lived.

But then, something happend.

I fell in love with Ana Castillo.

And not being one for threesomes,

I no longer read with Sandra.

And well, I guess Sandra Cisneros got upset

 Because she didn't call me anymore.

Random Lyric of the day

"Oye la gente,
hablan, gritan, como dicen,
comentan,
de todas esas canciones que yo hize.
A boom, boom, bam, bam
muchos vienen y se van
pero yo me quedado 
y los otros DONDE ESTAN!"


My favorite song. Dedicated to Elena. Hear it here.

"You Can Fight City Hall"

"You Can Beat City Hall" Bill Moyers CBS News 1978 from rsal on Vimeo.

Fall, Flags and Football

Fall, Flags and Football

by Maria Cisneros

Every school year, around this time, I start hearing drums whenever I wake up in the morning. I even hear them when I get home from work. At first I think it’s all in my head, but then I start looking around my little neighborhood and notice that off in the distance a group of people are gathered. I see them pause and then I see them follow a leader. The leader is armed with a whistle and a baton and then that’s when it all clicks: marching band season is on and the football games are coming up. Aside from the fact that I should already be used to this (I’ve lived here for over fifteen years) listening to the whole array of musical instruments makes me feel like it’s already mid-October and football season is already in full swing. It blurs the fact that it’s still August and hot as hell outside. Let me tell you one thing about me: I love football but I especially love what the season entails. It marks the beginning of my yearly trek down memory lane. Let me explain a bit:

Shortstop Burgers and Golden Chicken

When I moved down to Laredo in 1992, two of my favorite places to eat were Golden Chicken and Shortstop Burgers. Don't blame me for terrible taste in food. Rather, blame my aunt and uncle. They would always drag us down to eat at these two places during the weekends. Now, these places have both closed down or changed names, but the bitter taste of their flavore still remains in my mouth years after.

Shortstop Burgers had a location, that I can recall, on the intersection of Zapata Hwy. and Loop 20. Their burgers would always be semi-burned and their salty fries were always a nuisance to my taste buds. But because they were inexpensive, Shorstop Burgers always had a long line of waiting customers, especially on Friday nights. They closed down sometime in the mid 90s, I believe. Now, a Tortas Yukon stands where the famous Shortstop Burgers were once located.

This is similar to the one I remember. Not the exact one though.

The other eatery that I cherish from my terrible teen years, was Golden Chicken, located downtown across the street from Int'l. Bridge 2. Again, as kids we were taken there because of its inexpensiveness. The chicken at said restaurant was so greasy, it made Church's look like a healtshake. I even recall that Golden Chicken had this cheesy TV commercial, a parody of Ghostbuster's "Who you gonna call":

"Dime a donde vas. A Golden Chicken!  Pollito Caliente. Sabor Diferente. Dime a donde vas. A Golden Chicken!"

I don't recall the exact lyrics of the TV commercial, but from what I recall, I would see it on KLDO back sometime in 92' or 93. Every wedding or Quincera that I attended between those years, had the obligatory Golden Chicken as the food of choice. I miss the 90s.

Random Lyrics pt. 7

"Elvis, was a hero to most
but he never meant shit to me you see
straight up racist the sucker was
simple and plain
motherfu** him and John Wayne."

Y2K Compliant

I went to the doctor a week ago for a routine check-up. This doctor had the latest equipment. So much so that all his equipment, including the examination table is Y2K ready. Good! That makes me feel at ease.