Why are there no Cheerleaders in baseball?
And other 4am questions
Recently, I went about four months without premium TV; that is without cable or dish, and mostly I survived on Netflix and by reading my rarely used copies of my college textbooks.
With so much free time on my hands, I took a wild stab and reading, and more importantly understanding, Michael Foucault and Edward Said. However, I soon arrived at inevitable conclusion that I’m just a dumb American and a sorry excuse for a Chicano*.
As for Netflix, well, there is only so many times one can watch Return of the Zombie Hookers with Chainsaws before the brain begins to melt like Velveeta cheese.
It was then that I decided to return to the idiot box and overpay for awful programming from the likes of VH1 and their endless array of “reality TV” bullshit.
However, the main reason I decided to return to a basic dish package (other than the fact I didn’t understand a goddam thing Foucault was saying) was to be able to view the MLB Network and specifically my Texas Ranger’s games.
This is why, a few days ago, while channel surfing at 4am, like an insomniac on a bender, I began to ask myself why baseball did not employ the lovely services of “barely-clad” cheerleaders, strutting their goods, much to the delight of hot-dog eating spectators The NBA, the NFL and even soccer leagues** employ cheerleaders. So then, why doesn’t baseball use them? How lame-o! Even worser, why hadn’t I ever noticed this glaring omission before? I’ve been watching TX Rangers baseball since 1986 and I had never noticed the lack of lovely ladies before now.
Call it an epiphany, an awakening or just your basic WTFB moment. Just imagine how much more exciting a foul ball would be, if only the 3rd baseman had to maneuver passed the pom-pom girls in order to track down the ball by the dugout. I’m just saying. Traditionalists might say it would ruin the game, and it prolly would, but still…
On another note, Chum-Lee from Pawn Stars has quickly bolted to the top of my “favorite goofy people on TV” list. He and Delfino from Auction Kings should definitely go head to head in the quirky sidekicks category.
In the end, I’m back to the boob tube, at least till my brain finishes rotting.
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* I had a friend in HS that insisted we be called Chicanos and reject the "latino" or "hispanic" label
** My brother refuses to call it soccer and demands I say "futbol". Screw that; its soccer!
*** Pawn Stars is a show on History Channel and Auction Kings is a show on Discovery Channel
